"I observed that you justified your opinions by quoting from a white supremist magazine - now just stop these ad hominen arguments and your blatent provocations because I'm just tired of your need to provoke and provoke somebody until you can squeal 'Victim' as I'm sure many others are too."



Miss B was in a foul mood that morning. She'd had to walk to school, as the bus was running late, and she'd had to share the pavement with the Horrible Little Sods that she spent her working day with. God, how she hated children! They were disobedient little brats who needed disciplining at all times.

Miss B had them sussed, especially those with 'secret agendas', the budding racists, facsists, mysoginists-in-waiting...Oh yes, she could sniff 'em out at a hundred paces!

She got into her classroom and sat down at her desk. There was still 30 minutes before school started, 30 more minutes of peace before The Little Sods came in from the playground, although WHY they needed a 'play' ground she had no idea...because they weren't here to PLAY, they were here to be EDUKATED, damn it!

She sighed, feeling a little stressed...and then, her eyes rested on her Precious Pile of Resplendant Registers. How she loved them! Her hand reached out for the newest addition, which was shining on the top of the pile, touched by the sunlight. She looked at the sparkling letters that screamed out her most favourite title yet...

THE ***HATE*** REGISTER

Miss B smiled, smiled for the first time that morning...as she picked it up.

She Loved the HATE one best!

She turned to Jimmy James's page, which was getting quite full already. Soon she'd need another page for him. Her smile got even wider as she recalled how Little Jimmy had tried to explain to her that he didn't even know what a Lesbian was, how he'd just heard it on Eastenders and liked the sound of the word.

Miss B knew, you see.   Miss B knew all about Ulterior Motives. She knew that Jimmy James knew *EXACTLY* what he was doing when he used that word, and she knew he'd used it to cause maximum hurt and damage. Oh yes, she knew alright.

Miss Sweetheart, the new 'I **Love** Children' Drippy Teacher who'd just been assigned to the school for a year, had tried to make her see differntly. Bloody Sweetheart had said that Jimmy James was a dear child, one who she found to be helpful and kind, one who loved nature, had a wonderful imagination. HA! The woman was mad! She was a drivelling do-gooder who had no idea about children at ALL!

No, Miss B would make certain that the REAL James James would be exposed for all to see. She would ensure that his pages inside her favourite register remained full over the years, and that they would follow him for the rest of his nasty, sexist days..

One day, one day, they'd thank her. One day they'd see the child as she did, see all children as she did.

10 minutes left before the bell went.


Miss B picked up her other registers...

The Answering Back Register
The Disinterested Register
The Sensitive Child Register
The Stupid Child Register
The Child Who Refuses to Learn Our Way Register

Her hand found her next favourite one...almost as good as new Hate Register.....

The Truancy Register

Oh, this was a goodie too. Her smile lit up her face...Jimmy James was in this one also. Better than that though, Jimmy's mother and father were in it as well.   She opened it up, counted how many days school he'd missed and the light that shone from her now widely exposed teeth lit up her classroom.

Jimmy James had been away for nearly 5 days this month! That meant he only had one more absence to be recorded and she'd have him! She'd have the whole James family! Yes! She'd be able to start the ball rolling for the £800 fine to be charged to his Mum and Dad.

Oh! Miss B was feeling Almost Orgasmic!

Suddenly, she couldn't WAIT for the children to arrive...and a minute later, the bell went off.

The sound of children playing outside stopped abruptly. Good, she was pleased about that, it was a sound she so hated having to listen to...she liked the sound of shoes on floors, tip tapping their way to classrooms and desks...and that's what she began to hear...as one by one the children filed into class and sat at their desks.

Miss B picked up The Daily Doings Register, opened it up, and began to call out the names..

"Annie Andrews?"
'Here, Miss'

"Bertie Brussels?"
'Yes, Miss'

"Dolores McDumpling?"
'Aye, Miss'

"Dolores, do not speak to me in that ridiculous accent! Speak PROPERLY!"
'Aye, Miss'

"Fenella Fumbleton?"
'Wha'ever, Miss'

"Fenella!"
'Am I bovvered, Miss?'

Miss B reached for The Bloody Disobedient Register and put Fenella's name inside it..

"Jimmy James?"
'                '

"*Jimmy JAMES?"
'                     '


"JIMMY JAMES?"
'                            '


Miss B removed her glasses, and looked up at the class. Jimmy's desk was empty.   

The smile on her face sent shudders round the room, yes, even Fenella started to quake...

"Has anyone seen Jimmy James?" she asked....but the room remained silent, the children bowed their heads...


Miss B place The Truancy Register on top of The Daily Doings one, and started to scribble inside....

Then, she told her class to get their books out and read Chapters 1 to 7, whilst she dashed to the Headmaster's Office to set £800 worth of Misery into Motion...




Down in the woods, Jimmy was playing with frogs in a little pond, watching the tadpoles starting to hatch out...He was fascinated. After a while, he lay on his back, looked up at blue sky, the fluffy white clouds....started making pictures out of them....A little later he went looking for different sorts of trees. His Dad had taught him how their leaves told you what they were, their shape too. Then he sat quiet, just listening to the birds singing, realised they had different voices, different songs...Jimmy breathed in the air and he felt so good, so FREE!

He hated being cooped up in school all day long, hated having to study from books, do loads of writing. He hated Miss B too.   He didn't want to hate her, because his Mum had told him that Hate was a bad thing to have inside you, but she made him angry. She wouldn't believe anything he said, made him feel bad about himself and tried to get others to see him that way too.

Even at six years old he knew something was wrong.

On his way to school that morning, he'd just reached a point of not wanting to go through the gates, ever again. He wasn't wanted in that school. He couldn't learn the things he loved, there was no time to sit and stare, to let your mind wander. Jimmy knew that somehow, freedom to think about thousands of different things was very important when you were young.

And suddenly the words of a song his Mum loved came to him..and he started singing...

"We don't need no Edukashun
We don't need no thought control
No dark sarcasm in the classroom
Teacher leave them kids alone
Hey, teacher! Leave them kids alone!...."

Jimmy didn't quite understand what sarcasm meant, just like he didn't understand what Lesbian or Gay meant, nor millions of other words, but he knew what he felt inside and right that moment, he felt fear...
So he turned around, just as he had done on 5 other days that month, and he went to where he felt happy, to the woods, to nature, to freedom....


Meanwhile, back at the Edukashun Ranch, Miss B had reached the Headmaster's door....She knocked and entered a little too fast.

Mr. Caneinhand was watching a video with Miss Sweetheart, one that she'd brought in to try to turn things around in this dictatorial place, because Miss Sweetheart was very worried about some of the techers in this school....

Mr. Caneinhand listened to Miss B for a moment, but just after the words "We HAVE him, Headmaster! We HAVE him!" he beckoned for her to sit down, turning the TV screen around so that she could watch.

"Miss Sweetheart, would you run the video again from the beginning, please?"

"Of course, Headmanster" Miss Sweetheart replied...

"Miss B, watch this for a moment, then tell me what you think."

And Miss B watched, silently, as her world began to implode