I think most people who wear orange don't know the history, and just think it is cute and want to join in the festivities in their own way. I have never had the experiences you have had, so I understand it is different. But dressing up in shamrocks is an authentic experience and wearing green is authentic..after all it was forbidden in the Auld Sod. We are free to do it here. I have green fingernail polish on and wish I had a tiara like my great niece, which is full of shamrocks and sparkles and lights up even. Corny does not mean inauthentic. What they do in Ireland is not of great concern to us as it is an Irish-American holiday, and very very important to us..me anyway. So celebrate or not as you wish, and as you are closer to Ireland generationally, do it in a religious way or however you want..it is up to you.

I personally will share the day gladly with Japanese, Nigerians, Orangemen and women..as long as everyone is polite. (I won't celebrate with them or from now on anyone not Irish-American, because it is too complicated..the other 364 days a year fine..but I want them to enjoy the day in their own way without me).   Your inlaws are of course abusive, and you need to set boundaries and walk out when they get going. Take separate cars. Just say it is time for me to go. Your husband can follow or not. mg