Andie's last two LiveJournal posts both 3 days before she passed

April 25 2005
07:57 pm   

Did absolutly nothing today but chilled at the Library, and sang Evanescence very loudly out of my open car window. YAY for my supreme vocal machine! I really need to be in a band. Seriously. I want to cover Personal Jesus...shame my name isn't Faith. *grin*

O! This is a great quote by the way!

"So long as both sides of the couple were happy and with needs met, honor respected, no one forced or harmed, did it mater if the couple was comprised of two women or two men?" Jennifer Roberson- Sword Born
Yay for open minded fiction!!!!

12:22 pm

I hate it when I'm in C'ville, and I plan on going to the Dawning, but I do something stupid like lay down because I have a migrane at 9:30 and thusly effectively sleep until 12:50 and just say fuck it and go back to sleep.

This weekend was ok. Had a talk with LohQi, he got a phone,(which means I get to hear from him every now and again, that is a happy thought) we just sorta chilled all weekend, because he was sick, which he blames on me. The worst thing that happened was me locking my keys in my car Friday night. The best watching them obcess over the new game that Goo got.

My birthday is coming. I'm sure I won't be doing anything, and I think I'm ok with that. Soon I'll be 24. I remember thinking that it was going to be so great to be an adult (hahahahahahaha) and that I couldn't wait to be old. Ugh. Only one more year to 25, but at least then I can move out (dad will have his license back) and never look back.

I am really unsatisfied with my life. I'm not happy. I don't really have any friends any more. That's the one thing that really pisses me off. My parents never had any friends while I was growing up and I remember noticing that and praying that I wouldn't become the same way. I miss being social so badly, but it's too fucking difficult to get out there and meet new people. I feel like I'm too weird for the normal people and too normal for the weird people. I'm in a fucking state of limbo. I miss the part of me that would walk up to strangers and say Hi...I'm Andie, you looked kinda lonely so I thought I'd just...

*sigh* That girl doesn't exsist anymore. She was fun...I miss her. How sad is it that the highlight of my day is surfing around online? I wish I could get angry about it and find a solution, but the solution would be getting the hell away from my father, which isn't going to happen for another year. I hope that when I do escape that I will be happier and that I will find my lust for life again. I used to be able to channel my depression into song writing and poetry but I can't seem to find the energy to care. I fucking hate being depressed. It brings down the few people that still enjoy my company. *sigh*