"Anyone can tell you're no gentleman."
"Mmmm, same to you, lady!"

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Philosophy is the disease of which it is the cure.

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Pardon me, ma'am, but your slip is showing.
You are mistaken, sir; it is my sister's.

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The census taker knocked on a farmhouse door....
Religion?
Presbyterian.
Married?
Yes.
Children?
Five.
Ages?
5, 6, 7, 8, and 9.
You were having them pretty regular for a while.
Yes, sir, but we found out what was causing it.