Andrew, I think I may have bought your plectrum recently on Ebay. The bidding was fierce and I didn't think I was going to get it, but I used a sniper service, put in a ridiculously high bid, and just barely managed to get it for $1,733.18 cents!

I then had it sent from the UK and insured for the full amount, but the f*cking customs people sent it BACK to the bloke in England who sold it to me!!! They claimed it was lacking a return address. This is, of course, impossible and totally idiotic, because how the hell COULD they have sent it back to him if it didn't have a return address?????

Idiots.

So...he sent it to me again in the care of an overseas agent I hired who brought it across personally, chained to his wrist. He was held up for sometime by Canada Customs, but eventually got clearance and met me at a pre-arranged location where I paid his fee and finally got my hands on the plectrum, which now had cost me $5,718.33!

What a thrill it was. I played with that plectrum for weeks and everyone remarked on how wonderful it sounded. Then something terrible happened! Someone stole the plectrum out of my hotel room while I was having dinner. The show that followed was a disaster. I just couldn't play properly without my $5,718.33 plectrum. I was in a state of deep depression and have been ever since.

I will not rest until I recover it, but I fear that it may in fact be YOUR plectrum, and if it is, then I am honor bound to return it.

I expect that many sleepless nights may lie ahead for both of us before this unfortunate matter is resolved.