If you take cranberries and stew them like prunes, they taste much more like applesauce than rhubarb does.

Pulling your skin tightly to either side of a biting mosquito will cause its little sucker to become stuck and it will keep sucking blood til it explodes.

The best way to darn socks is to sit with the sock and sewing materials on your lap with a wastebasket at your feet. Closely observe the location and size of the hole, If its in a position where it bothers you, wad the sock up into a small ball and throw it in the wastebasket and shout, "Darn!" Works on 100% of all socks.

A mixture of honey, lemon juice, glycerin, and Jack Daniels Whiskey, will help alleviate clogged nasal passages and many other symptons of the common cold. Eliminating the other ingredients and tripling the Jack will work even better because you won't care if you have a cold.

Making Jello with Vodka improves the taste and makes an excellent bedtime snack for your kids as they will go to sleep very quickly. A large mallet is also handy for the more stubborn cases.

Taking mass quantities of Vitamin B-12 will improve your energy level and make your whizz smell as though you have pissed a pharmacy.

A mixture of ketchup, pickle juice, onios, and mustard, formed into a poltice and applied to the male organ twice a day for two weeks will eliminate the need for Viagra. You will also develop a tremendous hard-on as you pass McDonalds.

Spaw