Van Ronk's version, at least one of them:

I met a gal in a cabaret
She said Papa are you goin my way
I was mad to know what it was all about
She took me home just to put me out
She broke my nose and she split my chin
Don't let me catch you round here again
Whipping through the kitchen and out through the door
She hit me with a chair til my head got sore

That'll never happen no more, That'll never happen no more

Live in Chicago in the winter and fall
Cause me to wear my overalls
I got drunk, and it was my fault
I was drinking tequila and leaving the salt
I met a girl in a big mink coat
Fancy car and a forty foot boat
She pulled out a gun and she took my dough
But I didn't holler and I didn't get sore

That'll never happen...

I went to a party the other night
Got to drinking I was feeling alright
I lit up a reefer, I was drinking some gin
Just sitting back waiting for some fun to begin
A prettly little gal comes up to me
Says come on Daddy let's make whoopee
I woke up in an empty bed
My pockets was empty, had a pain in my head

But that'll never happen...