It's really weird that there are so many alternative verses to this song. You're clearly all nuts and the version I remember is right. So there! From Oscar Brand:

Passengers will please refrain
From flushing toilets in the train
While in the station,
Darling, I love you.
We encourage constipation
While the train is in the station,
Moonlight always makes me think of you.

If you want to pass some water
Simpley call the pullman porter,
He'll place a vessel in the vestibule;
If the porter isn't near,
Try the platform in the rear;
The one in front is likely to be cool.

If the woman's room be taken,
Never fear the least forsaken,
Never show a sign of sad defeat;
Try the men's room 'cross the hall,
And if some man has had the call
He'll courteously relinquish you his seat.

If these efforts prove in vain
Simply break a window pane;
This novel method used by very few;
And as we go strolling through the park,
Goosing statues in the dark,
If Sherman's horse can take it,
Why can't you?

Cheerily,
Charley Noble