Last night was bad. I feel like I can't get enough air. Pete asked me to explain and I couldn't find the words....very frustrating for us both. I ended up sleeping in my chair...laying down is uncomfortable to breathe.

I did go to my local Dr. today. She said my lungs sound fine. They did a pulse oxygen and it was 99 which is great. So. What's the problem? She thinks I am anxious. I DON'T FEEL ANXIOUS. I AM BEGINNING TO FEEL VERY PISSED OFF BECAUSE EVERYONE SAYS I'm ANXIOUS. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR. I feel like someone is stepping on my air hose. She said to take more Xanax. ARG! That makes me feel NOTHING and SLEEPY. )(*^&%#! %$#&^%(&^ I AM FRUSTRATED!!!!!!!!!!!

About the folic acid, I will ask on Tuesday when I see my oncologist. My hemoglobin is just under the wire for acceptable so I'm eating lots of protein. My friend Tracy gave me a protein drink today....100 calories, no sugar and 25 grams of protein in less than a cup of juice looking stuff. I have to try it.

EPO and Prokrit looks to be for hemoglobin issues too. They didn't really address the hemoglobin stuff, just said it's a bit low and can be helped with nutrition. They did bring up Neulasta but that's for helping white blood cells in the bone marrow and thankfully, those are at a normal level.

No nutrition or medication will help with platelets. My body will either step up and make some new platelets on it's own or I will have to have a transfusion. It's my understanding that my body will make more, I just have to give it the time (hence the week off from my chemo treatment).

So...today I went to see Tracy (needed to see her in the worst way), went to the doctor, had some lunch, walked around looking at maybe 6 pieces of real estate with my mom and sat down immediately in each house we went in. I am exhausted. I am not getting enough air. My body feels HEAVY. And I got a good look at myself sitting on a couch today....there was a mirror directly across from me....it still freaks me out to see myself...I don't look like ME at ALL. So. Now I'm home. I'm calling it a day. Tracy says sometimes you just have to be the cancer patient. Today, starting right now, I am. I'm tired and am giving in to it. Give me my drugs and let me rest. Keep me company and let me rest.
    I never, ever knew I could be this tired. Maybe I'm just too tired to take full breaths and that's my issue. I have no idea. I DO know that I do NOT feel anxious....I don't care WHAT they say.

PS. It's beautiful outside....sky is blue, temperature in the low 70s......and despite being so tired, I DID go out and enjoy the day....took multiple breaks but I DID ENJOY THE DAY!!!!!

Michelle

PSS. The heck with all this protein, what I really want is a doughnut. I rarely eat them but it is what I am craving.....good thing there aren't any in the house, I'd probably eat them all.