Here, Richard, are some common questions and some answers you could use:

"May I see your driver's license, sir?"
"Why, I should think you already have! The judge had it framed and put up on the wall of his office ages ago!"

"Sir, do you know how fast you were going?"
"No, and from the tone of your question you don't either."

"Have you been drinking, Sir?"
"Well, of course I have been, twit! I'd get awfully thirsty if I didn't!"

"Would you please set the handbrake and step out of your car, sir?"
"Well, I'd rather not. The handbrake doesn't work and the car sometimes pops into gear and your nice police car is right in front of me."