The lyrics - typed as I listened ... hope they help

Strangeways Hotel - Mike Harding

Takes some working, this bugger, I'll tell you that for nowt…

Last Saturday night I got into a fight
I woke up on Wednesday in an heck of a fright
'Cos the judge said 'Young feller, you're going for a spell
Six months hard labour in the Strangeways Hotel'

Chorus
Too-ra-loo, eh-up I can tell
Ooh la ooh la
There's no place on earth like the Strangeways Hotel

It's porridge each morning, it's strong and it's thick
It clogs up the drains and puts big lumps on your... elbows
How do they make more up when one lot's all spent
They mix two loads of sand up with one of cement

Chorus

It's fish every Friday it's fish two foot wide
Covers up your plate and hangs over the side
You can tell that it's Friday just by the smell
Coz the fish have all done time in the Strangeways Hotel

Chorus

So we were in the cell talkin' and there's two lads
And one says "What you in for Ron?"
He said "Robbing a wagon. What you in for Cedric?"
He said "Wagging me Robin" (laughs)
"Well I only tried it once and soon as me opened me raincoat,
She sez "No thanks, I'll smoke me own" (laughs)

Well there were a lad in there, a real hard case
In there for budgie rustling
They'd caught him outside Belle Views with a branding iron and a packet of seed
He'd got eleven years he had

And there was another bloke in there
He was in for chuckin' his wife off Blackpool Tower
'Cos the Judge said it was Bank Holiday Monday
He might have hit somebody underneath and hurt 'em


And there was a bloke, I could never understand him
He was a quiet lad, used to make his own dresses and everything
"Too strong for light work"
And he sat in the corner crying his eyes out.
I said to him "How long have you got, Billy?"
He said "Three days"
I said "Three days? You Jammy bugger!
How did you manage that?!"
He said "They hang me Monday"

Well, we don't sleep like tops and we don't sleep like logs
'Cos the bed bugs have feet like colliers' clogs
And they bite and they pinch and they wrestle you as well
Then they kick you out of bed in the Strangeways Hotel

Chorus

Last verse. Thank you very much…

Well the warders they read bedtime stories at night
They tuck us all in then they switch out the lights
Then they give us all a big kiss to make sure we sleep well
They've bloody strange ways in the Strangeways Hotel!

Chorus