Never bring a bottle of Chianti, if invited for dinner by someone named Lecter.

Never shout "I don't believe in the God of Thunder" while standing on a hilltop, in a summer storm, wearing a suit of armour.

NEVER, EVER, take a pee in the countryside, without carefully checking for electric fences.

Never let a cord-wangler futtock your moolies with a woggling iron. (with apologies to the Kenneth Williams thread)