Hilary's Piggies by The Singing Referee (a/k/a Steve Last)

The Singing Referee's Comments:  A couple of weeks ago a few of us from the St. Albans Folk Club were holding an informal chorus session at the Blue Anchor in St. Albans. During a break in proceedings one of our number, Hilary, re-entered the bar in a state of some consternation, having visited the ladies room. (No, I said CONSTERNATION!) Apparently she had glanced in the mirror, (as you do) and had noticed that the earrings she was wearing, a pair of miniature pigs suspended on long stems, were facing in the wrong direction and had been presenting their backsides to the assembled gathering during the evening thus far. Hilary's greatest concern appeared to be that we, her so called friends, had failed to point out this situation and had left her unknowingly in this state of disrepair until she had noticed it herself. I was so moved by her utter dismay that I was inspired to write this song. . .


Oh, your pigs were facing backwards when they should have faced the front.
You must have dressed too carelessly, if I could be so blunt.
When you went to the ladies room and looked into the glass,
Instead of their sweet faces, all that you could see was ar__.

They were dangling from your earlobes on such long and slender poles.
You must have got them twisted when the hooks went in the holes,
Or maybe when they heard us sing your piggies they took fright,
And turned their backs to save their ears from such an awful plight.

And how you may think the likes of this is of such small import,
But to this lady folk singer it's nothing of the sort.
For the piggies lead her choruses, and posterior alignment
Might result in harmonies that lack her usual refinement.

Now the moral of this story is so plain for all to see,
When wearing fancy jewellery you must dress most carefully.
For your friends can't be relied on to point out your indiscretion,
Just to cause you great embarrassment at your next folk club session