Football Crazy
(Traditional???)

Well, you all know my big brother and his Christian name is Paul
He's lately joined a football club for he's mad about football
He has two black eyes already and teeth out from his gob
Since Paul became a member of this terrible football club

For he's football crazy, he's football mad
And the football it has taken away the little bit of sense he had
And it would take a dozen servants to wash his clothes and scrub
Since Paul became a member of this terrible football club

At the first match that he played at, I was there myself and saw
Two turf sods for goalposts and a tin can for a ball
And the lord mayor he was there himself and all the ladies grand
Paul got an orange box and made a whole grand stand

For he's football crazy, he's football mad
And the football it has taken away the little bit of sense he had
And it would take a dozen servants to wash his clothes and scrub
Since Paul became a member of this terrible football club

In the middle of the field one afternoon, the captain said to Paul
Would you kindly take this place kick since you're mad about football
He took forty paces backwards and he shot off from the mark
And the ball went sailing o'er the bar and landed in New York

For he's football crazy, he's football mad
And the football it has taken away the little bit of sense he had
And it would take a dozen servants to wash his clothes and scrub
Since Paul became a member of this terrible football club

Oh, his wife says she'll leave him if Paul he doesn't keep
Away from football kicking every night time in his sleep
For he calls her (someone's name unknown)* and other things so droll
Last night he shot her out of bed and swore it was a goal

For he's football crazy, he's football mad
And the football it has taken away the little bit of sense he had
And it would take a dozen servants to wash his clothes and scrub
Since Paul became a member of this terrible football club