The LNER suburban services out of Liverpool Street to London's eastern suburbs was always known as the 'Jazz', probably because they were fast, noisy, and swayed from side to side.

Thread-creeping to the airline theme, I was working at Heathrow years ago, and in a rare quiet moment we started putting together a few variations on airline names: TWA: Try Walking Across', SAS: 'Sex And Satisfaction', SABENA: 'Such A Bloody Experience, Never Again!', BOAC: 'Better On A Camel', Qantas: 'Quite A Nice Trip, All Survived'.

After a while, a passing Lebanese businessman overheard us, and said, 'You know, of course, about Lufthansa?'

We confessed that we didn't.

And he told us: 'Let Us Fondle The Hostess As No Steward Available!'

Only he didn't say 'fondle'.