These are not mine.
I repeat them for info. only.

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> WHAT do you get if you cross the Australian cricket team with an OXO cube?
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> A laughing stock.
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> The Australian bobsleigh team have asked the Aussie cricket team for a meeting.
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> They want to ask their advice about going downhill so fast!
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> What's the difference between Ricky Ponting and a funeral director?
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> A funeral director doesn't keep losing the ashes.
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> Did you hear what the stump microphones picked up when The Ashes skippers tossed the coin on Boxing Day?
> Andrew Strauss called correctly and, quick as a flash, said to Ricky Ponting: "You lads can bat.''
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> Just as quick, Ponting replied: "No, we can't. We really can't."
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> What do you call an Australian with a champagne bottle in his hand?
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> A waiter.
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> Of everyone in the Aussie team, who spends the most time at the crease?
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> The woman who irons their cricket whites.
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> What's the height of optimism? An Aussie batsman putting on sunscreen.
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> Why did the Aussie break his leg throwing a ball?
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> He forgot it was chained to his foot.
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> What is the main function of the Australia coach?
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> To transport the team from the hotel to the ground.
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> On his way out into the middle to bat, Ricky Ponting gets a call from his wife and teammate Michael Hussey tells her he's heading out to the middle.
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> His wife replies: "I'll hold, he won't be long!"
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> What's the difference between an Aussie batsman and a Formula 1 car?
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> Nothing! If you blink you'll miss them both.
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> Who has the easiest job in the Australian squad?
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> The guy who removes the red ball marks from the bats.
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> What do Aussie batsmen and drug addicts have in common?
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> Both spend most of their time wondering where their next score will come from.
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> What did the spectator miss when he went to the toilet?
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> The entire Australian innings.
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> What's the Australian version of LBW?
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> Lost, Beaten, Walloped.
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> Why is Ricky Ponting cleverer than Houdini?
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> Because he can get out without even trying.
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> What does Ricky Ponting put in his hands to make sure the next ball is almost certainly going to be a wicket?
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> A bat.
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> What do you call a cricket field full of Australians ?
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> A vacant lot.
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> Why do Australians call their favourite drink XXXX?
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> Because they can't spell beer.
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> Why can't Australian blokes take their girlfriends to the cricket?
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> They eat all the grass.
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> What does an Australian batsman who is playing in The Ashes have in common with Michael Jackson?
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> They both wore gloves for no apparent reason.