Are you lot, serious? I can't tell.

How about, for Clerk Colville, after his lady says, "Be sure you seek no well-faured may,"if the mermaid replies:

I'll scarify my face, my lord,
I'll black it good and rend my hair,
Then we can f_ _ _ all night and day
And of your lady have no care.

Somehow I doubt this would change the outcome ...