This is too fun. Sorry if it's against the rules to post twice. I'll stand by my first song for the judging. But who can resist this topic?

Big Bad Sam
(to the tune of Big Bad John -- with apologies to Jimmy Dean)

Every morning at the store when the bread arrived
You could smell it from the meat section to aisle five
It was soft and yeasty and smelled so fine
But something was unhinged in the so-called mind of big Sam
Chorus: Big Sam, Big Sam -- Big, bad Sam (repeat after each verse)

Now Sam came to the Giant every day or two
With his wife, Mrs. Feldman, who loved him true
She walked around with Sammy through the aisles so wide
Never knowing he was contemplating loaficide, that Sam

But after the Feldmans had checked out and gone
The manager noticed that something was wrong
In the bread aisle, the loaves were mangled black and blue
And they wondered if this had something to do with big Sam

So they set up a camera to tape record
What happened to the bread at the Giant store
And what did they catch on that 18-hour tape
But Sam getting fresh with Little Debbie's cakes, bad Sam

Yes the tape showed Sam taking liberties
With the baked goods he ought to have gently squeezed
He stood like a thief, and when wifey looked away
He fondled the buns in a brutal way, bad Sam.

They brought him into court and the judge cried "Foul!"
And Sammy's wife let out a mournful howl
They cuffed him up and drug him off to cell #9
And everybody knew it was the end of the line for big Sam.

Now Sam's in treatment for his fetish so strange
And his wife is praying his obsession will change
As she said to the press in a tearful whine,
"He squeezed the store's buns, but he never squeezed mine." Bad Sam.
Big Sam, big Sam, big bad Sam.

© 2000 Alex E. Riggle. All Rights Reserved.

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Alex
O..O
=o=