My father used to say ,Don't crap on your own doorstep. Don't pee on my parade. Don't knock the wind out of my sails.

Rare as hens teeth. He don't know Jack Shit. Useless as a one armed paper hanger. Useless as a one legged man in a ass kickin contest.

When my kids were little their grandmother would call them a Pillgarlic, I still don't know what that means.

How about a fart being refered to as "Just a turd honkin for the right of way".

Ron.