Cookiemangler
Tune: "Acquiesce" by Oasis

I don't know what is that makes it seem so fun
I don't know why I like to maul and mangle buns
I don't know why I smash fruit-centered cookies with my thumb

I do it all the time in every store I see
I can fondle, smash, and mash but no one catches me
It really gets me off and the best part is it's free

I love to squeeze all the baked stuffs
From apple pie to the cream puffs
Oh my name is Samuel Feldmann, I'm quite a bakery buff
I love to squeeze all the baked stuff
From the apple pie to a cream puff
Oh my name is Samuel Feldmann, I'm quite a bakery buff

The cookies aisle's empty and I'm all alone
I gotta dip my thumb into a buttered scone
And crumble English muffins until there's naught left but cornpone

I don't like when my wife comes to the store with me
So I smash behind her back so that she can't see
Oh quishing break and cookies is such sweet ecstasy!

I love to squeeze all the baked stuffs
From apple pie to the cream puffs
Oh my name is Samuel Feldmann, I'm quite a bakery buff
I love to squeeze all the baked stuffs
From apple pie to the cream puffs
Oh my name is Samuel Feldmann, I'm quite a bakery buff

I love to squeeze....I love to squeeze
I need to squeeze....I love to squeeze
I want to squeeze....I love to squeeze

--Matt