Here's another of my attempts at transcribing an old music-hall song. This was a difficult one because Champion sings so fast, and uses lots of slang terms. There are lots of questionable words and phrases—so many that I haven't bothered marking them with question marks. I'm expecting (hoping for) lots of corrections, so I numbered the lines for easy reference. Please help!

You can hear this recording at YouTube.

YOU CAN'T HELP LAUGHING, CAN YER?
Lawrence, Carter
As sung by Harry Champion

1.   I was told I had a funny face,
2.   So I gave notice at my place,
3.   Thought I'd go upon the stage.
4.   Then I'd earn a decent wage.
5.   I sang a song called "Boiled Beef and Carrots"
6.   And "Take Your Umbrella with You, John"
7.   With a funny suit of clothes
8.   And an old red nose
9.   As soon as I come on.

10.   You can't help laughing, can you?
11.   Don't it make you laugh? Ha-ha!
12.   I was a potman at the pub,
13.   Got twelve bob a week and all me grub.
14.   I worked hard down at the old Britannia.
15.   Nine hundred and eighty quid a week for doing this!
16.   Well, you can't help laughing, can you?

17.   One fine night you trot into a show
18.   Inside a picture palace-o,
19.   Right in front of some young toff,
20.   With a girl and what a laugh!
21.   In the dark she started kissing him.
22.   It stopped the circulation of your blood.
23.   She makes a funny row
24.   Like an old milk cow
25.   That trots off in the mud.

26.   You can't help laughing, can you?
27.   Don't it make you laugh? Ha-ha!
28.   He teaches her a go for his darling Flo
29.   Bites at her face and she says, "Ow!"
30.   That's her coming now. Don't it fair unman you?
31.   It's your old woman with a ...-shop man.
32.   Well, you can't help laughing, can you?

33.   Perhaps you think of going for a day
34.   Down to a place called Pegward bay,
35.   Put your togs on nice and trim,
36.   While you go and have a swim.
37.   In the water you feel funny
38.   When the kippers come and nibble at your toes,
39.   But don't you give a shout
40.   When the tide goes out
41.   And takes away your clothes.

42.   You can't help laughing, can you?
43.   Don't it make you laugh? Ha-ha!
44.   You look like Adam. You're nice and cool.
45.   Then comes along a young ladies' school.
46.   They pass by. The sun comes out to tan you,
47.   But you hit a rough speck in the water again.
48.   Well, you can't help laughing, can you?

49.   Now in a running racetrack chums and I
50.   The Windsor Cup I thought I'd try.
51.   I had on fine-cut ...
52.   Rather large and lots o' room
53.   My poor ... began to giggle
54.   Then he stumbled down to wallop on the track
55.   I didn't pick him up,
56.   But I won that cup
57.   And caused him to ...

58.   You can't help laughing, can you?
59.   Don't it make you laugh? Ha-ha!
60.   When you was a-laughing around your face
61.   I did a sprint and won that race
62.   It's all true. The painting which I ran you.
63.   They belonged to my woman that I wore that day
64.   Well, you can't help laughing, can you?

65.   You can't help laughing, can you?
66.   Don't it make you laugh? Ha-ha!
67.   I was a potman at the pub,
68.   Got twelve bob a week and all me grub.
69.   I worked hard down at the old Britannia.
70.   Nine hundred and eighty quid a week for doing this!
71.   Well, you can't help laughing, can you?