Thanks, S. I need to keep those thoughts handy to keep up a momentum.

Kat, I have not yet felt led to send that email. I hear you! The schism between bro and me is very hard on Rob, a peacekeeper. Bro is in some ways fragile, but in others a steamroller. I will give the situation time to season some more. It sure is wonderful not to hear the phone at 8 am when bedtime was 2!

Decluttering is also getting rid of extraneous and/or unnecessary distractions/disruptions. Because I need silence so much, I am fairly good at that but Rob has been trained since birth to cope with bro. I am a trainer/mother/therapist/coach. Rob answers the phone less and hangs up more often because I have encouraged it. I actually set out on a training sort of program: training Rob not to answer the phone if he does not want to, to hang up if bro becomes abusive. I turn off the ringer on our home phone for the night. If he is desperate, bro can leave a message on home phone and we hear it; if it is a crisis, Rob can respond. There was one in the middle of a night recently when bro was feeling really ill. Rob called back and went to spend the rest of the night with him.

Other times, the messages are usually ignored. Bro is "a drama queen". He is almost 70 and not ill but does not take care of self - not enough sleep, falls asleep on the mouse pad! I also know that if the crisis is severe, he can phone my cell phone. I think I have the bases covered! He is Rob's last close relative. They have lost both parents in last three years. Rob may not be strong enough to lose his brother; He recognizes he is an abused bro and a co-dependent. We work on it in the light of this knowing. I would love to de-clutter the bro out of our lives completely but it would be counter-productive right now. They are also business partners. So we learn better coping devices and get better at following through with them. And bro is getting less demanding as he realizes he is not going to have what he wants - total control. Too bad his parents could not do that 69 years ago.

what to keep and what to let go of.... Which ropes to hang on to and which to let slide off the deck.

I've started a new bag for the thrift shop which is full already. I took two more boxes of stuff into the shed and sorted lots into better places. Filled one cupboard with canned soups or meals, sardines, such and showed Rob, "if I am not here..." Put a crocheted throw on the LR chair; it brightens it nicely. And bought 3 African violets, repotted them into Af. violet pots and said "hello" to them this morn. So perky! Planted some crocus bulbs in a shallow bowl; they missed last fall's planting. Groomed and watered the foliage plants and turned them some. Growing things are such a joy - plants, children, people, raccoon kits...