...During my researches in the leviathanic histories, I stumbled upon an ancient Dutch volume, which, by the musty whaling smell of it, I knew must be about whalers or whales or perhaps about dachshunds or a whaler's crew after a long voyage. The title was, "Dan Coopman", wherefore I concluded that this must be the invaluable memoirs of some Amsterdam cooper in the fishery, as every whale ship must carry its cooper, many of whom have long since flown the coop. I was reinforced in this opinion by seeing that it was the production of one "Fitz Swackhammer". But my friend Dr. Snothead, a very learned man, professor of Low Dutch and High German, or perhaps High Dutch and Low German, in the college of Santa Claus and St. Pott's, to whom I handed the work for translation, giving him a box of sperm for his trouble - this same Dr. Snothead, so soon as he spied the book, assured me that "Dan Coopman" did not mean "The Cooper", but "The Merchant". In short, this ancient and learned Low Dutch book treated of the commerce of Holland and other low subjects of the Low Lands; and, among other subjects, contained a very interesting account of its whale fishery. And in this chapter it was, headed "Smeer", or "Fat", that I found a long detailed list of the outfits for the larders and cellars and basements and butlers' pantries of 180 sail of Dutch whalemen; from which list, as translated by Dr. Snothead. I transcribe the following: 400,000 lbs. of beef. 60,000 lbs. Friesland pork. 150,000 lbs. of stock fish. 550,000 lbs. of biscuit. 72,000 lbs. of soft bread. 2,800 firkins of firkin butter. 20,000 lbs. of Texel and Leyden cheese, put up in Leyden jars. 144,000 lbs. cheese (probably an inferior article, perhaps the cheese of Limburg). 550 ankers of Geneva. 10,800 barrels of beer. 174,000 lbs. of wood shavings, to provide fiber for the diet. 8,000 hogshead of claret. 2,900 barrels of fine brandy or cognac. 18,000 kilts, of the best Scottish plaid. 250,000 gross of gutta-percha coats for the members of the members of the crew. 7,200 firkin knives for the firkin firkins of firkin butter.