"So this affair may well help ask the question whether religions want the freedom to do whatever they do on a Sunday, Friday whatever with no interference from people who aren't in their club or whether they are part of the fabric of a community."

I do not see where these are mutually exclusive.. Quakers, and most other religions, have been having their own types of gatherings on whatever day they choose for quite a long while. Many members of most religions also are an integral part of the fabric of their worldly community as well. They may hold office, do volunteer work, hold jobs, etc.

"If they wish to be part of the fabric of the community, they can start by accepting that many people see their services as part of a tradition, so people may wish to use their facilities."

This is unclear. I can only speak from my own experience in saying that Quakers are not, traditionally, open to facilitating the marriage any couple without that couple being considered a part of the community of Friends. This community is then expected to support whatever marriage takes place "under the care of the Meeting". This is not possible if the couple is not an integral part of the Meeting community.

Therefore, the couple needs to be known to the community. A Committee for Clearness for Marriage, then, meets with the couple, one or more times, prior to bringing a report to the larger group on how they perceive this couple's readiness for marriage. The Meeting considers this report before approving or not approving, the marriage. Clearly a community can only support a marriage of which it approves.

Approval does not depend on "unity". One or more member may agree to "stand aside" if they perceive the group as a whole feeling clear to move forward. OR, one Friend could stand in the way of the matter proceeding if they cannot in conscience stand aside. In this case, the marriage cannot proceed until that person feels able, perhaps with the support of the Meeting, to stand aside.

This tradition does not prevent any member from participating fully in the "fabric" of their worldly community.