Well, I didn't think inspiration would strike until too late. I was beginning to worry that I couldn't be inspired while suffering from this damn cold. But this came to me today and I jotted it down. Hope you like it.

Use the tune to the Sailor's Grace. The title is also the first line.

Bread loaf, Bread loaf, why sit you there,
Safe on the shelf without a care,
All wrapped up and stacked so neat
The white bread, rye bread, bran and wheat.

Then you know who comes along
Old Sam Feldman with fingers strong
When his wife has turned around,
He crushes you and puts you down.

Even cookies feel his grip,
He grabs them quick and his thumb he slips,
Under the cellophane and into the goo
The thumb presses fast and your crumbs too.

The managers at the Giant store,
Put up with this for 3 years or more,
Video cameras they then installed
To jail the criminal to haul.

Feldman's fetish runs so deep
That baked goods into his dreams they creep,
Rack on rack of bread and cakes
He crushes them as quick as they're baked.

They caught Sam in the act they did,
Caught him bread handed just like a kid.
They arrested him and hauled him to jail,
I'm innocent they heard him wail.

I squeeze bread just like everyone,
Never been arrested though I've squeezed a ton.
I've squeezed bread on a mermaid boat,
And at the wake of circus bloke.

When Uncle Harry left the cops perplexed,
I squeezed their donuts and left them vexed,
The dungmeister's sandwich I did too
Though I cringed to see it held brown goo.

In Sperlonga I went to drink
Coffee black and in a wink,
When she wasn't looking I reached out
And crumbled the biscuits all about.

But now my crumbing days are o'er
They took me to jail and closed the door.
My only friend in this lousy bitch
Thinks M&M's will make him rich.