Two for St. Paddy's Day!

"St. Patrick's Day Joke"

An English clergyman turned to a Scotchman and
asked : "What would you be if you were not Scot?"

The Scotchman said: "Why, an Englishman, of
course!"

Then the clergyman turned to a gentleman from
Ireland and asked him: "And what would you be
were you not an Irishman?"

The man thought a moment and said: "I'd be
ashamed of meself!"

-----

"St. Patrick's Skull"   

Bud Nelson, from New York, flew to Knock Airport in the west of
Ireland on business.

As he walked down the stairs from the plane onto the runway he
noticed a small Irishman standing beside a long table with a
assortment of human skulls.

"What are you doing?" asked the American.

"Oh, I'm selling skulls", replied the Irishman.

"And what skulls do you have?" said Bud.

"Well, I have the skulls of the most famous Irishmen that ever lived!!"
said the Irishman.

"That's great!" said Bud. "Give me some names!"

"Well!" said the Irishman, pointing to various skulls. "That one there
is James Joyce, the famous author and playwright, that one there is
St. Brendan, the Navigator, that's Michael Collins the leader of the
1916 rising, and that one there is St. Patrick, the Patron Saint of
Ireland... God bless his soul.."

"Sorry" said Bud, "But did you say St. Patrick?"

"That's correct!" said the Irishman.

"I have to have that!" said Bud and paid him $1,650.00 in cash.

Bud flew back to New York and mounted his skull on the wall in his pub.

People came from all over America to view this famous skull. He made
a fortune over a five year period and retired a very rich man.

During his retirement, he decided to go back to visit Ireland, the land
that made him a fortune.

Bud flew back into Knock airport, and while walking down the stairs
saw the same Irishman at the bottom of the stairs.

"Goodness", said Bud, "What are you doing?"

"Oh, I'm selling skulls," replied the Irishman.

"And what skulls do you have today?" said Bud.

"Well, I have the skulls of the most famous Irishmen that ever lived!!"
said the Irishman.

"That's great!" said Bud. "Give me some names!"

"Well!" said the Irishman, pointing to various skulls. "That one there
is James Joyce, the famous author and playwright, that one there is
St. Brendan, the Navigator, that's Michael Collins the leader of the
1916 rising, and that one there is St. Patrick, the Patron Saint of
Ireland... God bless his soul."

"Sorry" said Bud, "But did you say St. Patrick?"

"That's correct!" said the Irishman.

"Well!", said Bud, I was here almost seven years ago and you sold me a
skull a little bit bigger than that one there, and you told me then that
the skull was St. Patrick."

"Oh yes!" said the Irishman, "I remember you now!...you see... This
is St. Patrick when he was a boy!"