I do open mics just about anywhere they'll let me but at my favorite spot there's this guy whom I won't name--just in case. He's the worst performer I've ever had the misfortune to see and here's the biggest problem: he's at every open mic at this place--never misses a one. Now, I go there only sporadically. I didn't go this week, for example. But it doesn't matter which I day I go, he'll be there. So far, only once was I fortunate enough to wander just as he was leaving. I could have jumped for joy and high-fived everybody in the joint knowing that I missed him.

He's not just bad--he's excruciating, embarrassing, horrible. Now, normally, I wouldn't be this hard on an act but this guy thinks he's great. He actually thinks people enjoy him because he gets polite applause. I know this because I heard him bad-mouthing other acts on the bill once. "They suck, I don't know why they're here." I was shocked. THEY SUCK???   If he knew he sucked but just did it because he liked to--I could tolerate it. Shouldn't make a difference except that it does. The fact that he thinks he's great makes him intolerable to listen to. Has this guy ever recorded himself and lstened back to it? There's songs I used to do that I stopped doing when I recorded myself and realized I sounded like shit.

He did McCartney's "My Love" once and you know the part where Paul sings "My love does it goooooooooooood." You have to be a decent singer to hit that note which is one reason I'd never do the song. Didn't stop this chap. He managed to hit exactly the least musical note EVER and did every time that part came around. It was bad even for him because I've never heard him hit a good note. Oh my god. The lady sitting next to me turned to me and winced and I couldn't blame her.

I guess the only good thing about him is that I know that even if I'm having one of my off-nights (where, trust me, I have SUCKED horribly) I'll still never suck as bad as him because he is, by default, the worst performer I have ever heard. I'm not demanding that an act be fantastically good or even particularly good--I'm not that good myself--but please at least be listenable and don't pound out the theme to "Spiderman" on the pianny. That's really not entertaining--honest it isn't. Oh, and when the host says that you get 10 minutes to perform--that means 10 minutes not 17. Again, if you're really good, I can forgive that easily but when you suck like nobody ever sucked before, don't grant yourself that extra liberty because you're not worth it even if you think you are.

Now before 50 people respond with their typical angry and condescending remarks that they can't seem to stop themelves from posting if the OP is named Josepp, I'm NOT expecting any replies. I'm just venting. Open mics are for everybody, I guess, but it seems that some people really stretch this democratic ideal to the limit. When they say free speech does not mean you can yell fire in a crowded theatre, maybe this should be extended to open mics. Saying open mics are for everybody does not mean you can waste 10 to 17 minutes of people's lives taxing their charitable nature especially week after week after week after week.