The OT sounds as if he were posting from the flushing loo on an airplane. You'll find both "suck" AND "poo" there.

Who brings their laptops into the air crapper anyway? Does an aiplane's WiFi even work in there? Could you text your friend if you discovered no TP? Would there be a whole phenomenon involving loo-netting? Sending poo-mail or pee-texting (most likely not a guy, unless he's got hand's free something)?

So many questions...