A friend wrote this recently, about a year after the death of a partner. You, of course, do not have the luxury of much private grief. You have a family to uphold as only a mother can. Once you recover from - thank heavens he is out of the pain- you will go on because you must. And you know all those around you will be giving you their loving support as you move through the pain - which lessens but never ends - and move into a new kind of relationship someone who is present in your heart, in your spirit. You can talk to him and feel his presence, his answer. This cannot be taken from you. I wish the very best for you.

TRANSFORMATION

Is this not the essence of my life, traveling from the depths of my grief to a new life?

Losing the day to day presence of my dear sweet friend plunged me into a darkness like none other. The tastes of darkness preceded her death. As she traveled back and forth to that world beyond the veil, I witnessed but could not go with her.

As she retreated from our life together I craved that which was disappearing—sharing our dreams, collective decisions, sitting down to a meal together, plans for our future, snuggles in bed, ecstatic love-making, falling asleep in her embrace or she in mine . . . One by one they were taken from me.

I railed against my losses. They cut to the bone. I became frail of body, of spirit, of will. But my love, for her and for life itself, kept me facing each day.

One day, months after her death, I again heard a bird sing. One day I saw a sunset. One day I felt a wave at the shore. Finally one day I witnessed the value, yea the treasure, of my life's work.

And then, so tentatively, I recognized the accompaniment of my beloved.

I had to go to the deepest place of aloneness, a place of unspeakable emptiness to begin to feel fullness again.

I have found her again in her absence. I let her go and she came back.

Can I rest in assurance that living true to my path will continue to offer me this gift? That in letting go, I will be filled and held?

If I need a reminder, I'll ask God to offer me one.