Thomas, doing what you are doing is huge. And if she cooperates with you in it, and is willing to keep seeing you each time you suggest it, then you are doing much more than it probably seems.

A large part of helping is about knowing somehow what is just the right amount of attention, the right speed of interaction, the right level of energy-- the gift og being able to REACH the person without overwhelming them. It sounds like you have that part down pretty well.

You can be more relaxed and therefore more effective if you can make up your mind not to take responsibility for either her depression or her reeovery. It's hers. And if you seem to own a piece of it, you diminish something that is central to her state of being and her recovery from it.

You also can model taking really good care of yourself. Let her see how you put your wellbeing first, or however high you do put it. That will draw her in that direction. Telling her what to do will probably send her the other way.

I do have a really good book on this, the best I have ever seen, by a woman who used spiritual healing for her own recovery and went on to help many others with her warm and realistic words. It includes prayer for not only whatever is happening now, but also for the healing of old memories. And even depressions caused by brain chem imbalances do have a component of past memories, because these often become the content of the depression or the feelings of guilt over it. PM me or ask me to say more here if this sounds right for your friend.

And tears. If you are relaxed about being a shoulder to absorb them they will flow, and they will be a healing sort. You will know they were that kind if you allow them for as long as they flow, and see them followed by laughter or yawning or both, somtimes with angry tones of voice in between there too. For more on that way of helping, as a non-professional who simply adds his attention to her own natural healing process, see:

www.rc.org

There are a ot of ways to hel a person be in prsent-time with their attention out of the soup. pointing her awareness to things in the environment can help. Sit her in the sun and let her soak it up a bit, stuff like that.

Finally, ASK her what she needs, and believe her. It may seem dependent or wierd, or way off base in some other way. But if you honor her best sese of what she needs, she will know what that is, and say it as clearly as she can, and adjust as she goes as her needs change. Don't be scared either. If she says she needs some implement of destruction, be playful about maybe supplying it. She may just need to get to some black humor and dig that deep to laugh. (Don't actually give her one though!! Give her a toy one! Play!!!)

~S~