Some people around here put up signs that read, "This House Protected By Smith & Wesson." This doesn't help much at all, especially if the house is empty. It just advertises that there might be guns there.

No, if I were to put up a sign it would read "CAUTION! Dysfunctional Veteran! Keep your hands up and stay in the middle of the path. Obey all commands immediately."

There is no threat in that -- I am a dysfunctional veteran (Type II diabetes, hearing loss) and you are cautioned because I could go into hypoglycemia or something. The rest is just advice. But of course, you might read it differently....