The Mudcat Café TM
Thread #136964   Message #3130714
Posted By: GUEST,Name and addesss withheld
07-Apr-11 - 02:25 PM
Thread Name: BS: Bullying
Subject: RE: BS: Bullying
Most of the posts here seem to indicate what I knew already- that the vast majority of people don't know what the word means. Bullying is usually not about physical abuse, any more than rape is about sexuality, though violence certainly is one tool used. The aim of bullies - they are almost always a group- is to achieve dominance by lowering the self- esteem of their victims. The usual tools are ridicule (anything will do, the wrong sort of clothes, interests not shared by the group, difference in appearance no matter how slight, physical disability, interest in school or work), social isolation, calumny (allegations of sexual deviation for example), petty harassment and so on. The aim is often to provoke a physical reaction, so that the victim can be portrayed as the aggressor. So the ability to box, or willingness to "stand up like a man", usually only results in the victim being punished and further stigmatised. The victim's neutral peers usually offer no help, perhaps for fear of becoming a target by association. In school, teachers, and in work managers, will often use the situation to bolster their own authority. For children, parents can be the least sympathetic of the lot, especially if teachers have involved themselves.

To admit to having been bullied opens you to insinuations like the one above, that the victim is a coward, or that you are in some way inadequate.

Those who have not experienced this, or experienced it as one of the bystanders, seem to think that it is a matter of size or age. Think of it as part of a struggle for power- those with the most desire to dominate others use any tool available to that end. You yourselves were probably more or less willingly and wittingly, a participant in that process. As a neutral, you are probably still doing it.