I'm glad you have your Faith. I have a friend who has been through a lot and she uses that line about God not giving us more than we can handle, but it leaves me wondering. "Then why do people have nervous breakdowns?" Anyway, I hope He has not given you more than you can handle, but it sounds to me like He is really testing you. You must be on an emotional roller coaster. When I have felt like I was really being tested, I would look around me and think of people who were in worse situations. You have many reasons to despair, and I'd rather acknowledge that than brush it off. Keep remembering how many of us are pulling for you to stay strong, but I hope you have people around you (not just around you on the 'Net) in addition to your daughters who are supporting you. One way or another, you will get through this and come out the other side.