Hi, chimps and chimpettes! Ol' Rapparee posted somethin' on another thread that was so good I gotta share with all of you. He was havin' an argument with me and he said this:

"Dear Mr. Chongo,

I can out-shoot you with any weapon you care to name, from a sling to an 81mm mortar. Name your place and time: any weapon, any range out to a kilometer and a half (1,500 meters), any caliber. This challenge includes grenades (hand, rifle, or weapon-launched), flamethrowers, rifles, shotguns, muskets, submachine guns (i.e., machine pistols) of any country, pistols, crew-served weapons (e.g., mortars or quad fifties) and so forth. It also includes spears, bayonets, knives, clubs, maces, morning stars, swords of all types, la savate, and braggin' about fightin' (which you are quite good at).

You should be aware that I am a quiet, unexciting sort of guy unless I get riled up. THEN the mountains tremble at my name! The waters part in fear and thunderstorms run and hide! Volcanoes and earthquakes bow to me as their master. I'm then meaner than a buckskin dun with a burr under his saddle, an alligator with the toothache and a Tasmanian Devil with his fight up all rolled into one! I've gouged out more eyes, bit off more ears, and spit out more noses than any other ten men. My Father was the hurricane and my mother was the plague and I'm cousin to TNT, C4, dynamite, and gunpowder! When I'm riled up I'm as techy as nitroglycerin and I'm the bringer of Chaos!

Please don't get me riled up, because then I'm not responsible for my actions."


*****

Damn good, eh? I am now tryin' to convince him to be one of my speechwriters for the 2012 campaign, the "bluff, rant, and bluster" section...

;-D

- Chongo