I grew up on the banks of the Father of Waters, the Mississippi, just twenty miles from where my old friend Sam Clemens grew up. In fact, Sam and me used to go drinkin' together. I remember the night we stole a steamboat, the Thelma Jo, and took her up to Keokuk just for fun. We got as far as Lagrange when she blew up, because Sam had tied down the pop-off valve so we could make better speed. We were blown two hundred feet into the air and came down in the town of Meyer -- and just shook ourselves off and went into the tavern and kept on drinking.