You can see a British Pathe film of Leslie Sarony singing this song at YouTube:


I LIFT UP MY FINGER AND I SAY TWEET TWEET
Words and music by Leslie Sarony
As sung by Leslie Sarony

VERSE 1: Now some people make a fuss
When a thing goes wrong.
Some start to swear and cuss.
Others sing a song.
I don't do either; that's all napoo.(?)
When a thing goes wrong with me, this is what I do:

CHORUS 1: I lift up my finger and say, "Tweet, tweet!
Shush, shush! Now, now! Come, come!"
I don't need to linger when I say, "Tweet, tweet!
Shush, shush! Now, now! Come, come!"
When the cats at night are starting to fight,
Do I stand by deaf and dumb?
No! I lift up my finger and say, "Tweet, tweet!
Shush, shush! Now, now! Come, come!"

VERSE 2: Now some people say, "Tut, tut!"
Others say, "Dash, dash!"
Some call for beef or mutt',
Others sauce and mash.
If in a hotel waiters are slow,
Do I thunder, "Who the—? What the—? How the—? Why the—?" No!

CHORUS 2: I lift up my finger and say, "Tweet, tweet!
Shush, shush! Now, now! Come, come!"
I don't need to linger when I say, "Tweet, tweet!
Shush, shush! Now, now! Come, come!"
When the wife tells me where I ought to be,
Do I stand by meek and mum?
No! I lift up my finger and say, "Tweet, tweet!
Shush, shush! Now, now! Come, come!"

CHORUS 3: I lift up my finger and say, "Tweet, tweet!
Shush, shush! Now, now! Come, come!"
I don't need to linger when say, "Tweet, tweet!
Shush, shush! Now, now! Come, come!"
When a girl says, "Dear, I'm lost around here,"
Do I stand and suck my thumb?
No! I lift up my finger and say, "Tweet, tweet!
Shush, shush! Now, now! Come, come!"

*

ALTERNATIVE LINES 5-6 FOR CHORUS, COLLECTED FROM OTHER VERSIONS:

When at golf I'm duff and get in the rough,
Do I look all sour and numb?

When the baby screams and scatters my dreams,
Do I start to sing or hum?

When the landlord knocks and we're on the rocks,
And he swears, do I stand dumb?

When my voice is heard and I get the bird,
Do I stand by meek and mum?

If a pugilist starts swinging his fist,
Do I run away like some?


YOUTUBE ALSO HAS THESE RECORDINGS:

Jack Hylton and his Orchestra with vocal refrain by Leslie Sarony
Gracie Fields
Stanley Lupino in the film "Sporting Love"
Phil Arnold with Harry Hudson's Melody Men
Dajos Béla's Orchestra, with vocalist Rex Allen (recorded in Germany)
Tommy Handley
Hugh Laurie (as Bertie Wooster)