As they often do, Jones & Hare change the lyrics a lot, and convert the song to a dialogue.
DON'T BRING LULU As sung by the Happiness Boys (Billy Jones & Ernest Hare), 1925.
[BJ:] Won't you attend a party down at my house tonight? [EH:] Is that an invitation without a stipulation? [BJ:] There's just one stipulation. [EH:] Ha-ha! I thought I had you right! [BJ:] I draw the line on just one woman. [EH:] Who can I invite?
[BJ:] You can bring Pearl; she's a darn nice girl, but don't bring Lulu. [EH:] Can I bring Nan? [BJ:] Bet your life you can, but don't bring Lulu. [EH:] Lulu has the kind of smile that makes fellows walk a mile, [BJ:] And when she struts her stuff around, London Bridge is fallin' down! [EH:] If I bring cake and porterhouse steak, can I bring Lulu? [BJ:] Lulu gets blue and she goes cuckoo like the clock upon the shelf. [EH:] She the kind of smarty who breaks up ev'ry party. [BJ:] Hullabaloo-loo! Don't bring Lulu. I'll bring her myself.
[BJ:] We both went to a party, a real high-toned affair, [EH:] And then along came Lulu, as wild as any Zulu. [BJ:] She started in to Charleston, and how the boys did stare! [EH:] But when she did the hula-hoo, [BOTH:] then she got the air.
[BJ:] You can bring Peg with the wooden leg, but don't bring Lulu. [EH:] Can I bring Vi with the old glass eye? [BJ:] But don't bring Lulu. Lulu eats just like a horse: sauerkraut and garlic sauce. [EH:] I smelled onions on her breath, and I cried myself to death. Can I bring Ruth with the rubber tooth? [BJ:] But don't bring Lulu. Lulu's okay, but when she gets gay, you should see the cops arrive. [EH:] When she starts in singing, police clubs start in swinging. [BOTH:] Hullabaloo-loo! Don't bring Lulu, not while she's alive.
[BOTH:] You can bring Sold(?) 'cause her pa's got gold, but don't bring Lulu. You can bring Min and her double chin, but don't bring Lulu. Lulu thinks she's doing fine when she sings "Sweet Adeline." Oh, but when she hits high C, she drives out the family. You can bring sweets and pickled pigs feet, but don't bring Lulu. Lulu goes bugs and she chews up rugs, but she yells, "Ain't this the life!" [BJ:] She's the kind starts yawning, [EH:] "We won't go home till morning." [BOTH:] Hullabaloo-loo! Don't bring Lulu. She might know the wife.
[SPOKEN:] [EH:] Ha-ha-ha! Say, Bill, I don't see why I can't bring Lulu. She's a nice girl. And say, Bill, would you call Lulu a flapper? [BJ:] Sure, but I've got a new name for flappers. [EH:] What is it, Bill? [BJ:] Well, I call them bungalows. [EH:] Bungalows? Why do you call 'em bungalows? [BJ:] Well, because they're shingled in back, painted in front, and they have no attic. [BOTH:] Ha-ha-ha-ha!
[SUNG:] [BOTH:] You can bring Claire with her "I don't care", but don't bring Lulu. You can bring Lil; she's an awful pill, but don't bring Lulu. Lulu has the sweetest smile. She starts laughing all the while. [EH:] When she looks at half(?) her best, [BJ:] one eye looks east [EH:] and the other looks west. [BOTH:] You can tripe, provided it's ripe, but don't bring Lulu. Lulu makes noise when she ...(?) the boys, and we're sure to get in Dutch. [BJ:] She's the kind that teases, [EH:] and then does what she pleases. [BOTH:] Hullabaloo-loo, don't bring Lulu. She talks too darn much!