VATICAN RAG
(Tom Lehrer)

First get down on your knees
Fiddle with your rosary beads
Bow your head with great respect
Then genuflect, genuflect, genuflect

Do most any step you want if
You have cleared it with the Pontiff
Everybody say his own
Kyrie Elieson

Get into that small confessional
Step in line in that processional
There the guy who's got religion'll
Tell you if your sin's original

If it is, try playing it safer
Drink the wine and chew the wafer
Two- four- six- eight
Time to transubstantiate

Light a votive candle
Listen and the band'll
Play you the Vatican Rag...
(instrumental break)
Two- four- six- eight-
Two- four- six- eight-
Two- four- six- eight-
Time to transubstantiate

Make a cross on your abdomen
When in Rome do like a Roman
Ave Maria,
Gee, it's good to see you
Gettin' ecstatic and sorta dramatic and
Doing the Vatican Rag

Copyright Tom Lehrer

The intro and outro lyrics to the instrumental break were added in 1980 by Tom Lehrer for the revue of his songs TOMFOOLERY.