Here's my transcription from YouTube:


COOKIES, PIE AND CAKE
As sung by "Yogi Yorgesson" (Harry Stewart)

My little woman read a book that tells what food is right
For us to eat so we'll stay young and slim and full of fight.
Now I get lousy meals all day and no food late at night.
Life ain't sweet when I can't eat cookies, pie, and cake.

My wife says this new diet food will make us young and cute.
She says that we'll feel better eating vegetables and fruit.
By bedtime every evening I could eat a rubber boot.
For goodness' sake, I wish she'd make some cookies, pie, and cake.

I am eating health food that is served in gooey masses,
Stuff like powdered yeast and yoghurt, thick stuff with molasses.
My wife she says she's losing weight; she'll soon look young and chic,
But she has only lost about two ounces ev'ry week.
She thinks that she's reducing, but she's just got a slow leak.
Her girdle's tight without a bite of cookies, pie, and cake.

SPOKEN: Since the little woman read this book about looking better and feeling younger,
My stomach suffers in two ways: ja, from nausea and from hunger.
She fixes awful messes of wheat germ, powdered milk, and peanut oil.
She never fries me anything, 'cause the book says, "Don't fry; boil."
I like fried liver for my lunch. She boils it; she won't fry it.
Oh, I just hate her, and she hates me, since we've been on this diet.
At dinner when she gets the health food down from off the shelf,
I sit and eat those soybeans and mumble bad words to myself.
She uses herbs that grow out west on those mountains called Tujungas(?)
And with those herbs she makes a cake that tastes and smells like fungus.
She says: "Skinny Bulgarians eat sour cream, and that's what we both need."
I say: "Nuts to skinny Bulgarians; I'm a fat pie-eating Swede!"
"The diet book says you won't live long. Eat right. It's now or never!"
I say: "Diets are for knuckleheads. I don't want to live forever!"

Now wifey says that vitamins will make me sing and dance.
She's hoping hormones and bevon(?) will give love one more chance.
But if I get my cake and pie, I'll do without romance.
Oh, give me food! I'm in the mood for cookies, pie, and cake.