The Mudcat Café TM
Thread #138889 Message #3185408
Posted By: Uncle_DaveO
11-Jul-11 - 10:17 AM
Thread Name: BS: 2nd Joke Thread of 2011
Subject: RE: BS: 2nd Joke Thread of 2011
"Real Estate Advertising Terminology"
* Unusual location:- In the path of a projected superhighway.
* Local authority grants available:- About to be condemned.
* Period residence:- Built in the last two years.
* Select neighborhood:- Beside sewage works.
* Compact:- Tiny.
* Country gentleman's residence:-
No longer suitable for agricultural tenants.
* Unusual features:- No roof.
* Delightful rural location:- In flight path of nuclear
bomber base.
* Box room:-
Suitable for accommodating one or two large
cardboard boxes, Folded.
* A wealth of period features:-
Yourself, dry rot, rising damp and an electrical circuit
best operated in insulated gloves and rubber galoshes.
* Quiet secluded setting:- On site of proposed dormitory
town.
* Well situated:- In full view of the neighbors.
* Within easy distance of:-
Next door to a pub and opposite a sex shop local
amenities.
* Rare opportunity to buy:- No one else wants it.
* For the gardening enthusiast:- Grounds like a jungle.
* Extensively modernized:-
Former DIY owner had a breakdown under the strain.
* Unspoilt:- Zoning permission granted for field next
door.
* Deceptive appearance:- It looks terrible.
* Partial central heating:-
The room above the boiler can get warm in summer.
* Easily maintained:- Requires at least two gardeners and
live-in maid.
* Useful outbuildings:- No inside toilet.
* Much sought after:-
It's been on the market at least twice before and still
no one wants it.
* By private treaty:-
If it went to auction it would never reach the reserve
price.
* Owner eager to sell:-
If it goes within a week the subsidence cracks won't be
noticed.
* Subject to new instructions:-
They have just discovered death watch beetle.
* Sold:- Unless idiots like you offer a higher price.