"Let us go now, you and I" quoth the Rude Wizard "where the night lay prone before us like a patient etherized on the table."
"Literally?" replied Jake.
"No of course not literally fer chrissakes," said Dildoni. "I am speaking in figurative terms. Somebody had to enter this story and give it some frigging class. EE frigging Cummings anyone? No? I thought not."
"Now look Bilbo.."
"Dildoni,"
"Dildoni. We are in a bit of a pickle here. Obviously, our comfortable way of life is crumbling around us. And here you are with platitudes."
"What do you expect. I have a frigging English degree. Do You know what that makes you fit for? I didn't think so. Substitiute teaching or Wizardry. I chose the latter. And believe you me there's only one frigging way out of this mess."
"We're listening."
"Escaping to a parallel universe."
"Jesus. What's that like?"
"It's sort of like a trip to Bosnia. Do you speak Bosnian?"
"Of course not."
"There you go again. that was supposed to be a joke. You are way too frigging literal."
"But are you serious about the parallel universe deal?"
"Yes. Literally. Everybody get back in the raft, including the rabid fornicators. This is going to take some true wizardy. But first, my ukelele version of Led Zeppelin's No Quarter."
The wizard proceeded to play this as the troubled folks climbed into the raft. "What the ..." said Kenya, and Jake replied "you got a better plan?"