Addie, I second the advice from Gospelpicker. As for this not being the place to post such things, as you suggested in your first thread, when you are afraid and don't know where to turn you've got to tell someone and I'm glad you've turned here because there are a lot of caring folks on the Mudcat, and you can be sure we'll be thinking/praying/holding you and your loved ones in the Light as hard as we can. Please keep us posted and let us know how it all turns out!