I CAN'T SLEEP IN THE MOVIES ANY MORE
Words and music by Arthur Fields, Fred Hall, and Bert Van Cleve.
As sung by Billy Jones & Ernest Hare (The Happiness Boys), 1929.

—Hey, Bill, what's the idea of squinting your eyes like you're doing?
—Well, I've had a lot of trouble with my eyes lately.
—Had trouble with them?
—Yes.
—Well, you'd have more trouble without them, wouldn't you?
—Oh ho, yes I would.
—You know, my eyes have been troubling me.
—Is that so?
—I blame it on moving pictures. You know, movies hurt my eyes.
—Movies used to hurt my eyes, but now they hurt my ears.
—You know, they used to say that movie actresses were dumb.
—Yeah, now I wish they were, Ernie.

VERSE 1: Folks all rave about the good old days, they do,
And we both agree with them, we're telling you.
We used to love the good old picture show
The way we used to see them years ago.
Then the silent drama held its sway okay.
Now they squeak and squawk; that's why we say:

CHORUS 1: I'm so sad and I'm so blue,
And I'm feeling that way, too.
We can't sleep in the movies any more.
When the star with baby face
Shouts out in a voice that's bass,
We can't sleep in the movies any more.
Our dozing days are ended.
No more the organ plays.
To mellow tones it rendered,
We could sleep for days and days.
When our wife becomes a pest,
Now we have no place to rest.
We can't sleep in the movies any more.

VERSE 2: Talkies are a great invention, we agree.
Knocking isn't our intention, no siree.
But if you loved a nap the way we do,
It's ten to one you'd be complaining too.
Now we have to keep awake through twenty reels,
Listening to sneezes, squawks, and squeals.

CHORUS 2: When church scenes are shown today,
They're so real, we start to pray.
We can't sleep in the movies any more.
Now the pickaxe we hear pick,
Even hear the crickets crick.
We can't sleep in the movies any more.
The sheik is from the ghetto.
I thought he came from Spain.
His voice is high falsetto,
And he sounds like he's in pain.
And a theme song there must be
Just to torture him and me.
We can't sleep in the movies any more.

CHORUS 3: Lions roar; we shake with fright.
We can almost feel them bite.
We can't sleep in the movies any more.
Buildings burn upon the street,
And we even feel the heat.
We can't sleep in the movies any more.
When wifie gives her hubby
A wallop on the dome,
They really get so clubby,
It makes us think that we're at home.
If by chance our eyes should close,
Then the villain blows his nose.
We can't sleep in the movies any more.