I'M GONNA BRING A WATERMELON TO MY GIRL TONIGHT
Words by Billy Rose; music by Con Conrad.
New York: M. Witmark & Sons, ©1924
As sung by Billy Jones & Ernest Hare (The Happiness Boys)

All the boys love Mary, little Mary Brown,
But she's so contrary when they come around.
Only Tommy Tucker ever gets a kiss.
When the fellows corner him, he tells them this:

When I brought an apple, she let me hold her hand.
When I brought an orange, we kissed to beat the band.
When I brought bananas, she hugged me all her might.
I'm gonna bring a watermelon to my girl tonight.
When I brought an onion, she said it made her cry.
When I brought a grapefruit, it squirted in her eye.
When I brought muskmelons, she said, "I cantaloupe."
I brought her garlic; now I'll find her in the dark, I hope.

Listen, California: watch your orange groves.
Mary's friends, I warn ya, will come out in droves.
They'll attack each orange and they'll stew each prune.
They all dance in fruit stores now to Tommy's tune.

When I bring her oolong, it suits her to a tea.
When I bring her cocoa, she always flirts with me.
When I bring her coffee, we play a kissing game,
And when I bring her my home brew, she tells me her right name.
When I brought a rowboat, she kissed me on the cheek.
When I brought a sailboat, she booked me for a week.
When I brought a tugboat, she sure did treat me right.
I'm going to bring a battleship up to my girl tonight.

When I brought a goldfish, she cuddled up to me.
When I brought a polly, she laughed right out with glee.
When I brought a bulldog, she shouted with delight.
I'm gonna bring an elephant up to my girl tonight.
I brought Thomas Meehan(?); she didn't like his style.
I brought Charlie Chaplin; he didn't make her smile.
Valentino bores her, no matter how he tries,
But she adores Ben Turpin 'cause he has such dreamy eyes.