I read what my friends are writing and wonder if we have connected at all. I think we have... then I wonder... then I think we have... I wonder if we are friends at all or just people being nice in an uneasy peace for the sake of quiet. I don't hear from some of them and I wonder if it is something I said or did. Was I too much of myself? Did I not hold back something? Am I supposed to?? More and more, I can;t. More and more, there is just all of me, not in broken pieces to dole out anymore.

Then I wonder if it is something someone else said or did that I don't even know about, just now, or long ago... I only know what I can see. I see people holding back around me.... I wish they would not.

All I know is, I am not witnessing AT anyone as much as I am being what I am and who I am. I have been doing a lot of thinking about that. The difference between evangelizing and proselytizing. You try to tell me but the words are so full of old wounds I can't see how I fit into them, but I keep looking. You've made me think about it, because I care how my friends are, includig how they are about me... so what I have concluded, and what I think about now to see where it will lead, is that what I try to do is share good news, any that I can. Sometimes it comes from a book that I have lived a lot of lessons from. But only when I have lived it-- only what I have learned-- not, I seriously hope, "Here is your problem and here is the one solution and dammit, you go do it or something real bad will happen."

That's BAD news.

I am not going to be about BAD news.

There is too much GOOD news to tell...

And I see see GP here struggling to find a voice in the world, and his effort here making people question what they have experienced eith me, and it makes me sad because what I have experienced with you has been wonderful, and I would hope it gets more so, not less.

It's true of people writing in this thread and others who watch. You know who you are.

And I see friends wanting me to understand what they say on this so much, and me trying, over and over, we go around and around, but I also see a sense that my friends do not see that they too are witnessing all the time-- what you believe comes through, it does, whether you name it or not. Isn;t that how it should be? Should our beliefs not guide us and be reflected from us? Would they be worth having if they didn't?

I think all people are teaching what they believe all the time-- that's how people learn from one another. Every time someone says they are holding me in the light, it's a witness. Sometimes a frightening one, to tell you the truth. I don't say so. I go think about it and pray about it and I remember that you are first, my friend.

GP, the layers of sea here are many and deep. Many temperatures, many creatures immersd in it. Watch the line... don't sling it around so fast, please. This is a place where people try to hear, much more than in most places. If we shout it only hurts ears.

This is a place to come close and speak with gentle truth. People are smart, especially the ones already here. They will take what they need. They know what that is, better than we do. About anything-- music, politics, people, spirituality. Please don't miss seeing it. It's part of what this place can give you.

GP, maybe you are not here to give, exactly, maybe this is a place to receive for awhile.

Why did I not put this in a PM? Because I would have to spend the whole day copying it and pasting it to too many people. And because people are watching and reading and thinking, about all of this, and we do not know who they are.

Your feedback welcome.

Also see the old thread on should we care what people think. It dovetails nicely with this one. I'll find the URL for it and add it.

Maybe this would all work better if we could recall that every thread here is actually a Part X, Y or Z of one that went before,to someone here if not all.

D'ya thgink?

~Susan