NO ONE KNOWS WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT
Words & music by Billy Rose & Harry Woods.
As sung by Billy Jones & Ernest Hare (The Happiness Boys), 1924.

Why do men and women love each other?
And should they take a chance or should they not?
When they marry, will they face
Heaven or the other place?
Which is which and who knows what is what?
I don't know; you don't know; he don't know; she don't know.
No one knows what it's all about.
Boy and girl try their luck.
Preacher man earns a buck.
They go in, but they can't get out.
Now married life, married life, sweeter than fudge,
Ah, but some day, will they say, "Good morning, judge"?
Well, I don't know, and you don't know, and he don't know, and she don't know,
And no one knows what it's all about.

Ev'ry man who's hungry for the White House
Says the other party is a fake.
Democrats, republicans,
Put each other on the pan.
After all, what diff'rence does it make?
Well, I don't know; you don't know; he don't know, and she don't know.
No one knows what it's all about.
Why do wise little guys
Marry gals twice their size?
That's the thing I can't figure out.
What a life when your wife towers above!
What the deuce do they do when they make love?
I don't know; you don't know, and he don't know, and she don't know.
No one knows what it's all about.

[Operatic passage in Italian, apparently, ending in laughter]

—What are you laughin' at?
—Why, I'm laughin' at the same thing you're laughin' at, Bill.
—Well, I'm singin', Ernest.
—You're singing? Well, what are you singing about?

I don't know; you don't know; he don't know; she don't know.
No one knows what it's all about.
Never steal just a dime.
If you do, you'll do time.
Steal some oil and they'll let you out.
Our police never cease closing cafés.
How do cops drive their own autos these days?

Well, I don't know; you don't know, and he don't know, and she don't know.
No one knows what it's all about.
I don't know; you don't know; he don't know; she don't know.
No one knows what it's all about.
Tell a joke; sing a rag; give them hope; tell a gag.
We don't know what it's all about.
Sing it fast; sing it slow; now sing it hot.
Well, do the folks think that we're funny or not?
I don't know; you don't know; he don't know, and she don't know.
No one knows what it's all about.