Quoted elsewhere, a song by "Zander Nyrond"

FOOTBALL

(Tune: the obligatory "Greensleeves" cover)

Alas, my love, you have squealed on me
'Cause I taped some stuff from the BBC
Now they are saying it's piracy
'Cause I couldn't watch any more football.

(CHORUS)        Football is on every day,
        Football's about all they show,
        Football is a ghastly plague,
        I just cannot stand any more football.

In former times before I met you
There was Blake and Star Trek and Dr. Who
But now those programmes are all but through
There'll be nothing to look at but football.

(CHORUS)        Football is on every day,
        Football's about all they show,
        Football is a ghastly plague,
        I just cannot stand any more football.

I turned the box on and swore like hell
As Arbroath kicked off against Motherwell
On ITV and the Beeb as well
Was exactly the same game of football.

(CHORUS)        Football is on every day,
        Football's about all they show,
        Football is a ghastly plague,
        I just cannot stand any more football.

Now I've been caught I'll be put away
And I'll bet I know what the judge will say
For sixteen hours out of every day
I'll be tied down and made to watch football.

(CHORUS)        Football is on every day,
        Football's about all they show,
        Football is a ghastly plague,
        I just cannot stand any more football.