The name is misspelled "Quirk" at the Internet Archive web site.


SERGEANT FLAGG & SERGEANT QUIRT
Words and music by Lou Klein & Billy Moll.
As sung by Billy Jones & Ernest Hare (The Happiness Boys)

You're in the army now.
You're in the army now.
You'll never get rich by diggin' a ditch.
You're in the army now.
Company, halt!

—Well, it's about time.
—What's the idea? What do you mean by talkin' in rank?
—Well, because I got some'n' to say.
—Well, if you want to talk to me, write me a letter.
—Well, if I did, you couldn't read it.
—Says you!
—Says me!
—If I had a face like yours, I'd walk backwards.
—Yes, and if I had a physog like yours I'd grow whiskers. Ha-ha-ha!
—Who did that? I'll find out. I'll tell the cockeyed world,

—We are two men upon the screen,
—The biggest laughs you've ever seen.
—We're two marines who fight in peace or war.
—Why, you never saw such hard-boiled guys.
—For cussin' we could take a prize.
—And here is how we make the people roar:
—Hey, Sergeant Flagg!
—Yeah, Sergeant Quirt!
—Why, you horse marine, you need a manicure.
—Is that so? You're gooey.
—Who?
—Oh, you're gooey!
—Who? Not one percent of half of you is pure.
—Say listen, Quirt.
—What is it now?
—You know, I notice no mosquitoes bother you.
—Yes, they fly right past me bunk.
—That's because they know you're punks.
—Says you!
—Says me! I'll tell the cockeyed world.

—[Sound of machine-gun fire]
—Wait a minute! Wait a minute! Who fired that machine gun?
—I did.
—And what for?
—Me foot's asleep and I want to wake it up.
—Ah, you're asleep all over.
—Yes, well, I'm not the only one.
—Meanin' me?
—Meanin' you!
—I suppose you'd like to put me to sleep?
—Yeah, with a spade.
—Says you!
—Says me!

—We guys have fought in ev'ry war,
—And over ev'ry girl we saw.
—We've asked a million girls to be our wives.
—So I will say I hope you choke.
—And I will say I hope you croak.
—Yet, for each other we would give our lives. Oh, Sergeant Flagg!
—Yeah, Sergeant Quirt?
—You think that you got personality.
—Is that so? You bozo!
—Who?
—You bozo!
—Who? What you have got is poison-ality.
—Say listen, Quirt.
—What's that, Sergeant Flagg?
—You say the girl you kissed last night blushed?
—Did she blush, I hope to shout!
—That was measles breaking out.
—Says you!
—Says me!
—I'll tell the cockeyed world.

—Company, attention! Forward march! Hep, hep, hep....
—[Female voice speaking French]
—Well, if it ain't my old friend Sploney!
—Oh, I'm so very, very much happy to see you again, mon cheri.
—Well, I'm not exactly cryin' meself, baby,
—[More French]
—Well, it's K-O with me, baby. Let's go.
—Hey, hey, what's the big idea? Come back here! We're on our way to war!
—Well, the war can wait. Ha-ha-ha!
—So it was you all the time!
—Says you!
—Says me!
—I'll tell the cockeyed world.


[Captain Flagg and Sergeant Quirt were the 2 main characters in the play "What Price Glory" (1924), written by Maxwell Anderson and Laurence Stallings. It was adapted to film twice, first starring Victor McLaglen and Edmund Lowe in 1926, and later, James Cagney and Dan Dailey in 1952. In the play, Flagg and Quirt were played by Louis Wolheim and William Boyd, who later became famous as Hopalong Cassidy.]