Jon, first I want to thank you for sharing so much with us. I know it must be painful. I can hear the pain in your words.

In my beliefs, in metaphysics, we do believe there is a Higher Power/God/Goddess/Cosmic, whatever one wants to call it. We also believe, just as most Christians do, that the Entity gave us free will. I am NOT saying you or any of your famiy consciously chose any of the horrendous things you told us about. I am just trying to let you see that we cannot place all responsibility and blame on "God's" shoulders.

I have been through some terrible things including rape, spousal abuse, living with an alcoholic, major health problems, etc. I wasn't very happy about them when they happened, but I knew deep down that there were lessons to be learned. I felt that if I could learn even one thing from an experience it was worth going through.

I hear my brother blame the "Cosmic" for everything. He prays, meditates, etc. He is loved by many, understood by few. He is stuck in a spot of feeling he is the victim and not moving on to what I believe the Universe is just waiting to help him with. I do not believe you are like him, at all, Jon, just using him as an example.

I do not believe the Universe can help us or *give* us anything until we are ready. If we want to bring something into our life, we have to be ready for all of the responsibilities it entails. Sometimes, we even have to make room for it. A simple illustration is giving away clothing we no longer need or use and giving thanks that we are guided to or receive new outfits.

One more thing, and then I will quit: if we pray for things, it focusses on our lack of them. If we give thanks for what we already have and for receiving "this or something better, for the highest good of all concerned," then we are accepting that we already are supplied with what we desire or may need. This also sets up our subconscious, which is like a computer (it believes everything it takes in, in a literal way), to believe that we deserve our Good, that we are receiving our Good, in short, it begins to focus on the positives which can bring about great changes as our perception of our world has changed in a profound manner.

Louise Hay has some really good books out on this, Jon. Before she gets out of bed, she starts giving thanks, for her bed, for the day, for the sunshine, her pets, etc.

Jeri is right, there are a bunch of us on here who are proud to call you friend and care deeply about you. Please Jon, if you can, try to release the past hurts from your life. Let us, and the music you are so brilliant in, fill up those empty spaces which come about from such release.

With respect and love,

kat