How to Watch the Tibdes
by Rapparee

1. Be somewhere where there are tides. The seacoast is good, but since the moon pulls on Earth's waters equally you can also use your bathtub, a bowl of water, or even the water coming out of your garden hose or, if youu can't find anything else, watch a toilet bowl.

2. The tide goes away ('out') ever 12 hours or so. DO NOT TAKE THIS PERSONALLY! The tide will come back. If it doesn't we're all in a lot of trouble.

3. To measure the going in and out of the tide, measure it against a rock in the water or some similar thing. DO NOT use an island off int he distance, a boat, or a person wading in the water. If you are indoors and looking out don't use a speck on the window glass, because if the tide comes in that far you're going to drown.

4. Be patient. The tide may only rise a few inches, or it could rise many feet. Try not to be way, way out on the beach when the tide comes in, especially at places like Turnagain Arm or the Bay of Fundy.

5. Enjoy tide watching. Remember that fog can mess you up (see 4, above).

6. A hint: you can tell if the tide is in or out by looking at some boats. If you see an aircraft carrier or a supertank leaning on its side in the mud the tide is probably out.